I've wanted to blog about my depression for a while but didn't really have a clue where to start, to be honest I didn't have a clue about setting up a blog but thank heavens for my teenage daughter who, apparently, knows everything...
I also wanted to start my blog on a 'good' day, a day when maybe I can actually think clearly enough to not only string a reasonable sentence together but also for those sentences to not be full of pain and darkness, lets face it, no-one wants to know all that on first meeting do they? Hello, my name's Claire and I regularly want to kill myself... how's you? :)
So, I'm having a good day, I've put eye-liner and mascara on, brushed my hair and teeth, and managed to get dressed without the shame of my body crippling me into hiding in the house all day and took my dog out for a walk and even went out to look at wallpaper, that, for me at the moment, is a massive achievement. I haven't eaten too much and I haven't cried, I even made dinner for my two girls and had a polite telephone chat with my youngest daughters friends mother without wanting to scream 'why don't you all just f*ck off and leave me alone' so, as I said, a good day :)
Yesterday, however, was a totally different day...
But, I'm here, I made it through...
And that's the best I can hope for some days...
